Green · Fields · Backed · by · Blue · Skies

I got into Peace Corps!   I had an interview yesterday, and at the end of it, the recruiter nominated me for Latin America to do Agriculture Extension!!!!!!  I have never been so thrilled, terrified, and excited in my entire life.  I haven't been able to stop smiling.

That coupled with doing really well on my midterms, the Senior class gift campaign really taking off, having a great spring break in Mexico (see facebook pictures for details), and generally getting towards that Graduation Mark - life is starting to look good again.

I will not be a bum after college!  I have plans.  Though, I would have made a killer bum - c'est la vie.

It has just been an awful day, from a really hard midterm, plus two last week, one tomorrow, and 2 papers due thursday.  In addition, seeing the ex holding hands with some girl on campus.  Not the best sight to see on a weak stomach from stress and a bad diet for the past week.  Sigh, I just need to relax and focus for tomorrow, one day at a time.

I got an distressing e-mail from Sergio today, so send up some prayers for him.  Violence at soccer games in Monterrey is a scary thing.

After exam 3 today, its getting harder and harder to concentrate, especially with mexico on the horizon.  If I can just get through the next 3 days, I will be in Mazatlan, once again in Mexico.....oh I miss it so much.

This sense of being alone, and being alone for the next 5-10 years has really encompassed me, and is very emotionally disturbing.  I have never in my life felt such a sense of being alone, maybe its a senior thing.... sigh.  But a connection with another person is very important to me, and something I haven't lived without in a long time, probably about 4 years. 

But, I saw some grafiti on the ground on the way home, which read - "Breathe, you are alive."  I do not know what random act of kindness made who ever spray painted those words to put it exactly there on my route home, but it reminded me to breathe, and remember that life is not determined by the outcome of one exam, or in my case 6.   I have my parents..... I have my friends, although we clash at times......  and there are boys - not particularly special boys, or long term boys, but boys.

If you do have a second or two, send some love and support my way, I could really use it.

200 pages of reading tonight....

A Protest by women of military recruitment on Shattuck....

The most intense Jazz Dance Class Ever..

Problem set on the effect of education on economic development....

4 hours of work....

4 hours of Class....

MUN nuclear proliferation debate.....

All in one day....I'm going to miss this

Sigh.... In a little under a month, I will be back in NC sipping ice tea and studying for the GRE.  The only problem is I do not want to leave.  My heart is so conflicted, and even though there are only 3 weeks left here, there are some tough decisions I have to make.

I was discussing my social life with my boss at work - who is super cool, and she gave me a great statement of wisdom...

"Your feelings are God's way of talking to you."

Such a simple statement, but so true, I can't believe I had never thought of that.  I mean, growing up I always thought of my conscience as my Guardian Angel/God, but my feelings, my feelings, yes, they are God speaking to me, especially in matters of the heart.

People should follow their feelings more, not to the extent of excess, but to be able to see more clearly.

Today riding the bus to work, I stood up and walked to the front (in order to get off).  As I'm leaning against a pole, I see a pigeon in the middle of the road ahead.  I don't think anything of it, until we get closer, and closer, and it refuses to move.  The bus can't stop and we proceed to run over the bird.  I hear a tiny thump and the bus driver, a woman not much older than me gives a little gasp..... 

About 5 seconds later, and not seeing the bird emerge, we both break into nervous laughter...

Then I spilled coffee all over myself at work.

You know those really beautiful photos you see of Mexico where there is a brightly painted adobe house with an old woman siting in a chair staring off into the distance?  Yeah, not as great as it seems.  Mexico, along with India, and most Latin American Countries has a huge informal economy, which has millions and billions of dollars in waterlogged capital which can not be used to create more capital - dead capital.  That woman sitting in front of the house isn't sitting there thinking deep thoughts, she's staying there while the rest of the family works, making sure that no one comes to claim their house as their own.  And she's going to stay there, just like the thousands that refused to leave their homes in Tabasco before the floods.  The property has no legal title that is enforcable. 

The carts, the seriously hundreds of carts I pass in the center on my way to work everyday are part of the informal, illegal economy.  That doesn't necessarily mean bad things, but did you know that while it takes less than 20 steps to establish a business in the states, and less than 3 months, in Mexico its about a 100 steps, and a couple years.  No wonder the economy often stagnates.  So the majority of people (especially women who won't get hired because they have kids or are married - seriously) turn to the informal economy, and create a mixture of begging and business.  Its so hard walking by these people everyday, knowing that I myself am on a pretty tight budget, and not help them.  It breaks my heart when the little kids run up to you asking for you to buy a little gum..... and I usually end up giving in, and going without a real meal or so in order to give them a customer - but I can't help everyone by myself, and the urgency and sense of guilt is overwhelming.

All it does is remind me each and everyday why people like me, Leila, Fariya, and all my development friends in mun and DPE are studying the things we are.  We're preparing to get out in the world and fight for our brothers and sisters, to help them to find a way to live with security, self determination, and enough food.  Its just so hard waiting.  I thought about adding happiness to that list of things, but most Mexicans seem to have that down, concentrating their time with family and loved ones.  It certainly is another culture.

I love my job, I'm interning at the Secretary of Economic Development for Nuevo Leon in the Foreign Investment department.  I mostly deal with American, French, and Japanese investors, plan visits to monterrey, research factors for investment, write speeches, make powerpoint, write memos, and more research.  I love love love it. 

However, yesterday, I was at work, plodding along, and all of a sudden the air ventilator in the office next to mine seriously exploded, with a loud bang, and shards of fiberglass flying everywhere.  I looked on the other side of my wall, and shards were all sticking out of it like in a horror film.  Luckily everyone was ok, but still kind of scary.

Today on the bus coming home, a guy gets on with his guitar and plays us some songs, then collects money and gets off... :)  just another day in Monterrey

Last week a taxi driver gave me a half fare ride because I had "beautiful green eyes," just another day in monterrey.

On Sunday, I saw thousands of families walking the streets, everything is done in those close-knit family circles here.  Oh Mexico, how I love thee.

Sunday was the Saint's day for St. Lucy, Santa Lucia.  And here in Monterrey, the celebration was wild.  By the canal downtown, there was a procession with literally a hundred girls with candles in a wreath on their head, and hundreds following them.  It was so beautiful, and even though I only caught a glimpse of it, it really touched me.

What an amazing weekend!

With Maryse and Dulce, I traveled to Ixtapa/Guantenejo this past weekend, and feel in love.  We went horseback riding on the beach at sunset, and through a coconut and mango plantation, we went snorkeling on a coral reef on a small island, played at the beach and in the hotel pool.

And who could forget Senor Frogs?

All in all, very relaxing, and I'm ready to settle down and get back to work.  See Facebook for pictures :)

Te Voy A Perder

No, no te vayas
aun quedan palabras
mil frases del alma
y entre ellas no estaba el adios
espera todavía

Falta besarte más, acariciarte
ademas de promesas
de esas que hay que cumplir
No te puedes ir

Rompe cabezas sin piezas
los planes
los sueños que apenas comiezan
esto es un error
ademas, va poner en tu bota su amor
y no como yo

Te amo sin miedo
te amo cobarde
te amo sin tiempo
te amo que arde
yo sé, te perderé

Te amo dormida
te amo en silencio
te amo mi vida
te amo lo siento
y no hay nada que yo pueda hacer

En cuanto cruces la puerta te voy a perder

No, no te vayas
aun el cafe no esta listo
yo sé que no has visto de mí lo mejor
espera por favor

Falta besarte más, acariciarte
ademas de mil cosas
que no son hermosas sin ti
no te puedes ir

Rompe cabezas sin piezas
los planes
los sueños que apenas comiezan
esto es un error
ademas va poner en tu bota su amor
y no como yo

Te amo sin miedo
te amo cobarde
te amo sin tiempo
te amo que arde
yo sé, te perderé

Te amo dormida
te amo en silencio
te amo mi vida
te amo lo siento
y no hay nada que yo pueda hacer

En cuanto cruces la puerta te voy a perder

Te amo dormida
te amo en silencio
te amo mi vida
te amo lo siento
y no hay nada que yo pueda hacer

En cuanto cruces la puerta te voy a perder

Te voy a perder

So this past weekend I went to Guadalajara with one of my best friends Maria, and it was amazing from colonial cathedrals to churros at 1am.  It was the Mexican Independence day, so Viva Mexico!

Read about it!  Click on the link below!

 

Wow.  So today I had my interview at the US Chamber of Commerce in Monterrey, Mexico.  It went fairly well, although I am a little bit nervous because they have to interview 2 other candidates.  

And oh Mexico!  The taxi driver on the way there almost crashed into a bus, and I hit my head on the seat in front of me (no seatbelts), and on the way back, we seriously got like 5 seconds of airtime going over a hill - it was like a roller coaster.  But they seem to know what they are doing, so I have no choice but to trust them.

I learned today about a plan to get all the excess vegetable oil used to cook in mexico (as the food is very greasy), and to recycle it as fuel for cars.  A very interesting project if I might say so myself.

I'm beginning to prep for another round of parciales which start next week, and also plan my trip with Maria to Guadalajara this weekend for hte independence day.

Yesterday I went to a forum on human rights in Mexico, always this constant battle between bureaucracy, the desire to do good, and complacency here in Mexico.  There are so many rules, but everything can be gotten around, and time is a totally different concept.  Relationships have to be established before business transactions can take place, and family is the center of everything.

The man I interviewed with this morning was completely pro-Nafta - an honestly, besides when I was working in Congress in the US, I have never met anyone else who actually thought NAFTA was helping Mexico economically develop without exploiting it.

This past weekend I discovered several amazing clubs for dancing in the city, oh how I love that the men here can actually keep time, and don't hold you like a sack of potatoes.

At any rate, enough jabbering - 3 presentations in spanish tomorrow - must get to work :)

 

I am sure by now that everyone, from my grandmother to my new Mexican acquaintances, are utterly spent and sick of listening to me talk about Ben, and analyze what went wrong.  As such, I have a new policy!  My goal is to be happy, rediscover myself, and to be optimistic.  I used to be so optimistic......  So here is to that optimism, and gaining back my sense of self and purpose.

Mexico truly is amazing..... you can go from a grocery store which has electronic price tags which are constantly changing, to a street with cripples begging for money in under a block.  The maids come and clean our room every morning, and make our beds, yet in the supermarket there are 9-10 year old kids bagging groceries, hoping for tips. The sense of poverty and wealth is so contrasting and in your face.  I guess thats what happens when there is such a wide gap, and government corruption along with monopolies prevent a middle class from forming.

It is one thing to visit a foreign country for a month or two, and enjoy the best it has to offer - it is completely another to shift in with that culture and actually have to work in it.  I'm totally eating it up.  My mind has definitely expanded over the past 5 weeks, both emotionally and intellectually.

One thing I have to mention is the amount of group work done here.  Mexico is a very collective society - which seems ironic to me, because it lacks a cohesive middle class to be collective and push for reform.  But anywaz, Mexico is a very collective society, and almost all our work is done in groups, including papers!  its not my favorite thing in the worlds, but I am gaining valuable skills and interpersonal relationships - especially because the groups are so mixed with different cultures.  For example in my Import and Export class my group consists of me, a german guy (very to the point and doesn't hold back criticism), a mexican (who is very conciliatory), a Brazilian, and a Swede.  In such diversity, so much can be acomplished, or at least learned.  I'm starting to feel more confident about working in international affairs. 

Anywaz.... I will keep you updated on my life here in Mexico!